Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
