Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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