I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
