i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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