the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
