i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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