Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize