Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize