Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
