I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
