no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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