you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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