ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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