im drinking this country out of the recession.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
