I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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