Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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