This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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