just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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