the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
