Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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