So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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