Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
