Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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