i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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