Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
