i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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