watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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