I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
