i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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