I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
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Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
50% drunk capacity currently
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My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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