Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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