She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
My vagina just recognized that song.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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