dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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