so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
