Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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