All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
