I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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