If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
