I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
