Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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