He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
