My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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