I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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