Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
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