You're my little dorito
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
