i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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