The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Be still, my beating vagina.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
