Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize