Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
