I wish I only lived at night.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
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Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
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Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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