i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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