sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
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She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
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You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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