Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
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