Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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