You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
