I am puke
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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