dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
