At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
