You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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