no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
