It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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