after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
zippers are such a cool invention
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize