Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
