I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Is her dick bigger than yours?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
