How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.